Friday, February 19, 2016

And So I Pray.

It's a normal day to everyone else. It's a day of hiding for me. I've been so busy these last weeks, preparing for the future, that I find myself delirious with this alone comforts me and envelopes me like the warmth of my electric blanket in bed on a cold morning, or....... several back pills.

So far today, I've eaten cookies and cold pizza in bed while watching a movie with my roomie. I've started to tidy my room and am meandering around the house with no sense of urgency, doing little things....pondering life.....bleaching a shirt.....packing a few things.

And then a message comes. From a friend. And I am brought to my knees.
Helpless to do anything but pray.

I hate that. Not the 'praying part'....but the 'do nothing' part.
I am a do-er. I do. I like to be pro-active, not reactive.
People often say to me...."oh I can't believe that you do the job you do." But its in my make-up, my DNA. It is much easier for my character to do something, rather than nothing.

And today, I can do nothing.....but pray. And I chide myself....isn't that what you should be doing first? And I do....I pray along with fixing. I pray through the fixing....but I rarely pray without trying to fix.

And today, it's not mine to fix...only pray.

God, this takes my breath away.
Your children are hurting.
This is something us humans cannot fix.
This is only you.
And I are the God of wonders
And I are the Almighty, All Powerful.
And I heart is more broken than mine, in this place, in this these hearts.
And I pray....Your protection, and comfort and love may be overwhelmingly felt.
And I pray....Holy Spirit, make your place in these lives, may your comforting be so tangibly felt.
And I pray.....for You to come, and once again, release your judgement on satan, the Father of Lies, the great manipulator.
There are feelings and words I do not know how to express, and yet you understand them all.
And so I pray.....create safety, where safety is gone, peace where discord thrives.
Hold hearts in Your hands. For this life is temporary, but your love is eternal.

love you Lord.

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