Thursday, November 26, 2015

Home, Where I Belong


I sit here, in the midst of pile of things, clothes, medication, an empty suitcase waiting to filled  for a trip next week. I have my things around me.....my two stuffed puppies I use as neck rests.....my electric blanket. Trinkets I have picked up in different places; my collection of birds are surrounding me. I look around the room and this should be enough....and yet, it's not.


In this time. My heart is heavy.

As I have been researching statistics for  a future occupation, watching the news with bombings and attacks.....with everyone's opinion on refugees.........with intolerance, and too much tolerance and everyone offending each other, my heart hurts.

We stand in church on Sunday's and sing, "Break my heart for what break's Your's," and then we go about our week, with strong  vocal opinions  and hardened hearts, about people groups and political parties and forget the words that left our mouths the previous weekend.



And I feel homesick. I feel as though I don't belong. And I don't know how to explain it. I am homesick, but for no where I've ever known. I long for something deeper, something more.


I remember a few years ago, when God and I were fighting.....okay in reality, I was talking back. He asked me, "Am I enough for You?" And I yelled, "No!"

Oh how sorry I was for my answer. I felt His heart break.  "Break my heart for what breaks yours."

And now, as we are continuing in our relationship, He is doing just that. Breaking my heart....over and over again.


Last night, I begged God to hold me. I begged Him for comfort, Just to feel His arms around me. Jesus with skin on.

And today, I am introspective, I am sensitive to interaction and find myself listening to the songs that bring me closer to Him.

And this one has been on repeat for a while.


Home Where I belong.  -BJ Thomas


They say that heavens pretty,
And living here is too.
But if they said that I would have to choose between the two.
I'd go home,
Going home,
Where I belong.
And sometimes when I'm dreaming,
It comes as no surprise.
That if you look and see the homesick feeling in my eyes.
I'm going home,
Going home,
Where I belong.
While I'm here I'll serve him gladly,
And sing him all my songs.
I'm here,
But not for long.
And when I'm feeling lonely,
And when I'm feeling blue.
It's such a joy to know that I am only passing through.
I'm headed home,
Going home,
Where I belong.
And one day I'll be sleeping,
When death knocks on my door.
And I'll awake and find that I'm not homesick anymore.
I'll be home,
Going home,
Where I belong.


1 Corinthians 13:12

For now we see only a reflections as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Oh how I long for the day, when I am fully known......when I go Home. 

2 comments:

  1. I find my heart broken repeatedly - and I used to fight it, but now I accept it, asking God to teach me, and show me how he wants me to work through the pain... And I too don't feel 'at home'. I feel as though I'm waiting... despite having everything I have ever wanted in my life - all of my childhood dreams have come true, and I am not content... we are made for so much more than what this world can offer.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I find my heart broken repeatedly - and I used to fight it, but now I accept it, asking God to teach me, and show me how he wants me to work through the pain... And I too don't feel 'at home'. I feel as though I'm waiting... despite having everything I have ever wanted in my life - all of my childhood dreams have come true, and I am not content... we are made for so much more than what this world can offer.

    ReplyDelete

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