Monday, June 23, 2014

Face timing Heaven

You know, I would just love for one time, to FaceTime Heaven.  There are a few people I'd like to talk to....get some feedback, get some wisdom and advice.
The first would be my father.  Tomorrow will mark 8 years since his passing. I'm not sure how much advice I would want from him....because he would just say..."of course, its hard......of course you can do it." No sympathy, just matter of fact. I would like to ask him, what he thinks about what I am doing a little about it, get his opinion.
I used to not get 'along' with my father, he did not give me the empathy or pity that I was looking for......and now, the older I get, the more I find that I am turning into him. Things often come out of my mouth, and after they are said......I think to myself....."Reuben, was that you?"
It doesn't bother me now, like it would have one day, because for me, it is confirmation that I will get things done and achieve what I set out to do. He was a determined man, and the reality is....I am becoming my a woman's body? Weird combination.  And yet, I do not think I would be where I am today, if it weren't for his pushing.  (and in reality, that attitude.....really helps, especially in Cambodian driving)

The second person I would like to talk to is my grandpa Friesen.  I find in church situations, I am like him. The schmoozer. I have, in the past few years begun to preach on a semi regular basis. After one particular time, in a setting of older mennonites, someone approached me and told me that I preached just like him. I took it as a compliment.
But the one things I want to know, that I struggle how he felt after. After I preach, emotionally, I am done. I shut down. I am a raw mess of  Robyn, that just wants to curl up in a ball and hide. I have no effective ability to communicate, and I wonder if that's just because I am a woman, or if that is normal. As I preach, and share, I feel like I am stripped bare, down past the skin, through the flesh, until I am a raw bloody mess. It takes a day or two to recover.
I want to know how he felt. I want to know how he coped.
I want to know if he still eats bananas loud, or if Heaven has cured him from that (ask any grandchild about that one)

I also, think....last but not least. Jonah. He had kinda an attitude problem, which I, on occasion can have. I have learned obedience, but somedays, my obedience does not come with a great attitude. A lot of times, my obedience comes with a bad attitude.....which I will continue to work on.

My friend Paul's dad moved there last week. I would ask how he's settling in.  

Now, don't think I'm missing out on Jesus....I'm assuming He would answer...we would talk......but I think for today's call...that is who I would like to talk to.

Face timing Heaven.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Robyn - somehow I just caught up with this.

    About the preaching & being raw afterward, for some of us that's probably normal, though maybe not quite as extreme as you describe. For me, it's hard to not become somewhat emotionally involved, though that's less of an issue if I'm just doing straight "this is how it is" bible exposition. While it's hard for you, it probably means that you're giving yourself as you speak instead of holding out data at arms length.


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