Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Leaning on Jesus.

I'm sitting at my dining room table....its 8:30am. I should leave for work soon.
As I sit here, I am listening to someone building an addition onto their house outside. I look at the table and notice ants crawling around. That's the norm here. I just caught a breeze from the window....just a faint one, but a breeze all the same. In the background I hear music from a pagoda.
The hair on the back of my neck is already sweaty, and I struggle with knowing what to do with it, as I need to leave it down for my scooter helmet that I am about to wear.

It's been 6 months in this place and I am starting to find myself getting around alright.  I can form primitive sentences that get's my point across. I am slowly learning to make decisions with a Khmer mind and a western outcome...which I kinda think is the goal.

I'm learning how to deal with my stress in new ways....I've never spent so much time working out in my life.....or laying in my bed, still, worshiping the Lord with music.

I'm not sure if the shock has even worn off yet, that I live in Cambodia. Cambodia, for crying out loud.
I've seen and learned things, that living in Canada, I would have been oblivious to, my entire life. I don't know if I'm happy about that or not. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

And yet, my eyes have been opened. The reality is, that this place has changed me. However, I am thankful that as I trudge deep through this messy life, I have God. I have shared with some of you, how I would love someone to carry the load, a partner and you have spoken to me, and told me to lean into God......rely on Him. Please understand.....if I hadn't been relying on God these last 6 months, or even this past year, I would not be where I am right now. It is only by God's strength, that I do get up every morning......that I am able to sit across from girls with horrible stories from their pasts......even our staff who have worked hard to deal with the things that this culture has cursed on them.

Am I happy? Sometimes. Is there joy? Well, when you feel arms of a 14 year old ex-prostitute wrap around you, yes.  When you sit in a KFC, for a special celebration, and a girl, who never knew God, prays a blessing on the food, yes. When you see staff, excel and grow and learn and try new things....yes. When you hold a little baby in your arms, that very easily could have been aborted...yes.

So, for those who worry....when I share with you, it's because you are my safe place, my place to go, in a country that I have yet to acquire a safe place....so don't be worried, be honored. ....is there joy when I share with you my struggles and feelings.....yes.

Well, off I go, it sounds like a storm is brewing, and so I guess I will be taking the truck today.

Have a good one.

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