Friday, April 18, 2014

Ugly Cry on a Good Friday

It's early evening....early morning for those I love. I'll be honest, I'm a sobby mess tonight. God has been showing me much these last weeks, and I am processing. I've kept a stiff upper  lip, these last days, but tonight, the ugly cry started.
I was talking with a friend this week, who has a list of places he wants to visit. I don't. I have a list of people I want to see.
I am taking this Easter separation from friends and family and church family much more difficultly than I expected.
I have 9 house guests this weekend, a house full of Filipino women, and one man. They are a blessing, but it fills the house....and this afternoon I received information in an email that felt like a punch in my gut. This coming week will not be an easy one.
And so in moments of frustration, or exhaustion, or weariness, I wish there was someone to lean on....a soft place to land. And I know the answer.....or the answer that good Christians will give......Jesus. Yes, I get that...I really do. But, if I've said it once I've said it a million times.....sometimes, you just need 'Jesus with Skin On.'
Today, this weekend, I need Jesus with skin on. I need a safe place...a place or person who stands in the gap, who loves me for me, and understands my ugly cry.  I want a person to stand strong, when I want to be a crumpled up mess, in the fetal position. And I know that I may never have that  this side of Heaven, and I am still willing to walk forward in obedience. I know without a doubt, that I am complete in Christ, my fullness and value is in Him. I am made in His image, with His characteristics. I am blessed.
But today, it is a challenge.  And I am human.
And...I was He. And so I guess....He knows. And I guess, that will have to be enough, for now.
3 more days.....till Christ is Risen.
Hope is renewed.

1 comment:

  1. Robyn - thought of you today as I watched a documentary on the trade of young women in Cambodia. Not easy to watch - impossible to understand the mindset of men that drives this!
    I just wanted to say, and perhaps it will be less than adequate, but that we need to walk through the darkness as much as walking through the light… that the God of Israel was in the dark cloud that enveloped Sinai and we also come to the dark cloud of His presence and He promises to be there - here…. We don't walk only with Jesus, but the God of the universe, El Shaddai, the Lord who fights for us, gathers us while we are in that fetal position and comforts us, heals our sorrows and loves us with an everlasting love . May His presence be with you today.


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