Sunday, September 29, 2013

For Just One More Day......

For just one more day, I wish I was just Robyn, plain Robyn.......not that girl who is moving to Cambodia.
For just one more day, I wish that after tomorrow, I would still be the Director of the Pregnancy Centre, and not unemployed.
For just one more day, I wish that people would treat me normal, and not cry when they see me, or hug me, or ask me how I'm doing, or discuss how exciting my life is.
For just one more day, I wish I could look around my room and my apartment and not mentally take note of what I need to get rid of and what I will take along with me.
For just one more day, I wish I could have the comfort of a pay cheque and not the insecurity of having faith.
For just one more day, I wish I could spoon with my dog, without the ache in my heart, that these days are numbered.
For just one more day, I'd like to buy fall sweaters and boots....not give them away.
For just one more day....I wish I could feel nothing.

For just one day, I wish people would not ask me how excited I am, or tell me that I'm in for an adventure. I do not believe that it is exciting or adventurous. I am going to spend my days with children who have been raped repeatedly....and know that my very soul will be torn into bits as I see these broken lives before me.

For just one day, I wish I was disobedient, and didn't understand the Lord's call on my life......and yet, I am, and yet I do.
Please hear me, it is my heart to walk as close to the Lord as I can...and if this is where He wants me to walk, you can bet, I'll be walking there....but the human in me...is tired....the human in me struggles. The human in me is grieving my whole life....and waiting to build another.

For just one more day.........

2 comments:

  1. It's such a tough decision you're making, Robyn, and while I applaud your commitment to following God, I ache for the "human" side of the sorrows you've listed. My qualms about your heart being rendered asunder over and over again as you work with these brutalized children will most likely be realized on a daily basis for you and I pray for you daily, and will continue to do so.

    No, you can't "go back", not with what you know is in front of you. You would never forgive yourself for not following through, and this is not the person I believe you are; since I have known you, your commitment to God's word has always shone through.

    Once you're there, while you will still grieve for your "old" life, I'm sure, but you will also be so focused on your new job I think you will burn with a righteous anger and compassion soon enough and will be less inclined to grieve. However, I know that doesn't help you now. For this time, I doubt there's a remedy.

    But, if the prayers and love of friends who admire and worry about you count, you know you can rest your fears on us without judgement.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Want to go see a movie this week? I have been told The Heat is a good one!

    Janelle Goetz

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