Wednesday, August 28, 2013

It's my Party.......

And I'll cry if I want to.

I've received some interesting responses to my 'big announcement'. I've wanted to respond, but unsure of the words to use.
Some are shocked and amazed. Some are excited. Some are concerned with my safety and think I may be making a rash decision.
I've noticed some seem to be putting me in a different category....like godlier now, or I dunno....more spiritual. It's kinda weird.
I'm not. I'm the same girl I was 3 weeks ago, before this was 'out'
I'm the same girl who cussed, when my summer student Rachel scared the crap out of me, a while back. (maybe I shouldn't admit that)

I'm the same girl who goes to the early service at church...so I can be done for the day, and keep the rest of the day for myself...doesn't sound too godly, does it!

And...this is one of the most challenging things I will ever do....up to this point in my life. Walking away from my life....to build another.

On Saturday, I had a huge garage sale....and sold most of my earthly possessions. It didn't really hurt.  
 On Saturday, the Lord told me that I wasn't going to Cambodia, I was moving to Cambodia. I am to invest my heart....not protect it. I am to build my life there, choose my family there...not just work and wait for the time I am to come home. Like Abraham....or Ruth. Like a stranger in foreign land....and their people shall be my people...and their home shall be my home.
And that....my dear friends...cut to the bone. And I feel raw.

And I cry. Not out of anger, not out of frustration. But out of obedience. Out of grieving the loss of my life here. I need to feel and grieve this loss, so I am complete to begin out there.
And I grieve deeply, as would you. So, let me grieve. Let me cry...don't ask what's wrong...this will be a process....
And I not that amazing. I would expect that if God told you to go....you would go.
And I don't think it's that uncommon....to follow the one you love...to the ends of the earth. People do it all the time.

And that's it....you see....
I fell in love with the man who died for me.

4 comments:

  1. You don't cry alone. Just remember that. I don't have a clue what it's like to move to another country or another culture, but I do know a thing or two about grieving the loss of my home and my life and it hurts. Even after a couple years it still hurts. So cry. And let some of us think of you as a tiny bit more Godly because, well, most of us don't have the guts to follow the One we love anywhere He leads. We just don't. The good thing about cussing and still being you is that YOU are the one God called and I'm thinking He's happy to have the real you telling the truth about how hard this is. XOXO

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  2. Wow. I'm crying as I read this. I love you so much and I just know that I HAVE to see you before you go.. scratch that, before you Move. Beautifully written, Bob. Signed, the girl who you once forced to break up with your boyfriend for you on a roller coaster.

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