Tuesday, January 18, 2011

It has come to my Attention

It has come to my attention, that someone needs prayer. It has come to my attention, by the heaviness in my chest, and the inability to get that person's name, out of my head. It has come to my attention, as I feel panic set in, and a sense of urgency robs me of my peace.
The thing is....I was hurt by this person. And the more I pray for them, the more the hurt returns. I don't know why, I can't understand it.....but it is, it just is.
I feel stupid, for allowing my feelings to get tangled up in it all.....but I think that it may be my sensitivity, that allows God to so profoundly lay someone on my heart.....in all honesty, I don't like it much.
I've been angry lately.....at people of God, who make bad choices, who walk in disobedience, and appear to be happy, and appear to be getting exactly what they want. In self pity, I try to walk in obedience, and feel like I am missing out on my desires, the dreams of my heart. I know that this is not necessarily true....but that's where I am at. And in walking in self pity, I too am walking in disobedience. Dying to myself, my desires seems to be a daily battle, and it seems that it is a battle I am losing.
It just seems that this narrow road in which we journey, sometimes seems too difficult.
Anyway, just sayin......

2 comments:

  1. I don't know from which angle you're coming, exactly, but I can remember times of crying out to God over people that hurt me, and for me struggling with wanting to forgive them but getting angry with them over and over again. Even inside this almost 50 YO head it still happens sometimes, and people go on doing whatever they wanted. Sometimes it's ordinary people, sometimes it's church leaders, very occasionally it's people outside the church, although that's unusual because they don't normally have a right to speak into my life in a way that can hurt.

    You're 'normal' in this respect, even if it's something you'd like to be unusual about.

    (((hug)))

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  2. laurielyman@sasktel.netTue Jan 18, 03:39:00 pm

    I'm not sure, but I think prayer is supposed to be about the other person, not us. Yes, it hurts to pray for people who don't seem to care about your feelings, but we're supposed to put ourselves above this. As to people, church-going, church administration or whatever, it's still up to them how they live their lives. One of the most frustrating things I do in this life is pray for someone who doesn't seem to care about God. I do it anyway, regardless of how this person lives their life. But, I also think this is common for us, too.

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