Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Power of Your Love

It's been a long day. It's been a long week. I've been in Cambridge On, being educated....learning how to deal with grief, with anger with broken people.
Sometimes there is so much to learn about people, their grief, their brokenness.....sometimes there is so much to learn about our grief, and our own brokenness.
Yesterday, I was  angry at someone for inappropriate behaviour that has been happening off and on for 6 months. It appears that this person's anger and hurt has created pain for others. That sucks.
And so, today, I had some time to think and pray about things.....four hours in fact. On the way back from the Toronto Airport, on the 401 freeway, we sat in the pouring rain for those 4 hours, waiting for someone to come and fix the 4 inch slash in our tire. 4 seems to be the number of the day.
The interesting thing that happened, is that the CD player would turn on and off by itself. And every time it turned on the same song would play.....The Power of Your Love.
I struggle with the the concept of love. In all honesty, I have never understood love. I have never understood what it means to be unconditionally loved and accepted. I mean sure, my mom loves me, my dog loves me, but in reality, I just don't get the whole concept of Jesus loving me. ...and me loving Jesus.
My understanding of my love is obedience. I don't know if this is right or wrong. I do things in obedience, to honor God, respect God....and to show my love.
As I think back to my upbringing, it was often implied that love equals obedience. I also understand that, much like in a marriage covenant, love is a choice. I know that feelings follow actions, and so sometimes love is an action.....but I struggle....is love really a feeling? A warm, fuzzy, jump tummy rush? I don't know.
But, I do realize, there is power in love.....power in God's love.
And so, I don't understand the love, but I do understand the power......and so for the grief and brokenness, the song continues to play in my head.

Lord I've come to know
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love

And so for tonight, I will rest in that power, or try to, as I continue learning to trust, as I grow

3 comments:

  1. Oh hon, I wish I could give you a hug. Love is more than a feeling. That's why the world is so confused by it and has so distorted it to the point where we get sucked into the vortex of "feelings". You have to step out and trust that GOD IS LOVE. It's beyond our comprehension; HE's beyond our understanding. This is the not so fun part of seeking God and growing closer~ it's contrary to everything we're taught and the bill of goods that the world is selling is cheap crap compared to what He's got planned for you. Hang in there~ I'm coming to see you when you're back.

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  2. I am confused along with you, about what love is. I get that it is an action. But feelings - the warm, fuzzy ones - don't always follow actions of obedience to God, or showing respect, kindness, or compassion to another person. Is love the feeling? I don't know. Is love the action? Definitely. But is it necessary for the feeling to follow the action for it to count as love? Or is the sacrifice of giving/doing for another person enough to count it as love? Or is that actually a greater definition of love than anything that comes with warm, fuzzy feelings? After all, its easy to be kind to someone we feel warm and fuzzy about.
    I have reached a point in my life where I don't like people to tell me that they love me. I would prefer that they be more specific. Eg: 'I love your laugh, how infectious it is.' or 'I love the passion you have for your job, family, or ministry.'
    Somehow, something more specific rings more true. And is more easily understood.

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