Monday, September 20, 2010

Living Inside

I am home. It seems the more I travel, the more my heart belongs in other places......I wonder what God is doing.
There have been some radical things happening in my world. Life-altering things....that are changing my perceptions.
As I sit here, a realization creeps into my heart that stirs my entire being. I feel like God is creating a new normal for me. You know....when a loved one dies, and you enter a new-normal. Well, that's kinda what I feel like I am living in.....and then it hits me. With the death of my old self, like in any death, there comes a new normal. I think at this point I am grieving the loss of my old self, and that's okay, because grief, is a part of life.
Last week I had the distinct pleasure of walking my dear friend's daughter, Alayna, to her second day of senior kindergarten. Alayna is a four-going on twenty year old, who cant say her 'r's and has a Brooklyn accent. (we aren't quite sure where that came from)
And so, we stood in the playground, waiting for the bell to ring, when she started to giggle. "Wook, Wobyn, I'm standing inside yow shadow."
As I looked in front of me, it was true, when she stood beside me, her entire little shadow person, was covered by my big, strong (I didn't just want to use the word big...insecure I guess) shadow person. She was completely surrounded and engulfed by me.
This has come back to me this week, as I work through some heart stuff. I know that I asked Jesus into my heart, and everyone talks about God living inside of us, but in all honestly, I would rather be living inside God. This week I feel like I am the little shadow person, living within the big strong shadow person, God.  And I like it better that way. Safe inside, protected and covered.
And so for now, as I am learning my new normal, I will be staying......inside my God.

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