Friday, February 20, 2009

Sleep did not come softly in the night.....

It was 2am, when I finally gave up and got up.....moving to the other room, to play freecell. At that point and time, I didnt think I had any other options.
I wonder sometimes, why I lie awake for so long, sleep not coming......am I upset, did I have coffee? Maybe last night was an accumulation of both.
Things have been stressful with Ruby. She has taken to peeing where ever is convenient, instead of her pee pad....and so discipline has ensued. And I gotta tell you, it is a challenge to discipline a 5lb baby, with big brown eyes, who cowers when you come near. The thing is, she knows that she is misbehaving, she has to, with the way she acts afterwards. And so now, she gets her nose rubbed in it, and she gets locked in the bathroom, in the dark, by herself. And I lay there and listen to the cries. She got the bathroom lock down for half an hour, twice.....so now.....maybe tonight if there is still a problem, it will be the whole nite, we will have to see.

Today, just seems like a heavy day. Lots on the mind, not much sleep, can create a heaviness within me, that I just cant shake.
And yet, as I sit here and reflect. I am thankful. I am learning. I am provided for. Change seems to come easy for me these days. Weird.
I recently had a great fight with God. He wanted something of mine, and I didnt trust Him with it, so after much tugging and warring...I finally threw my hands up in the air and yelled, "Fine, you want it? You take it!! It doesnt work anyway, so You are gonna have to fix it!!!"
And so thats maybe where I am ......in the fixing process....only now, I am not doing the fixing, I am just waiting....resting, seeing what will become of my brokenness.

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