Monday, June 16, 2008
Well Father's Day has come and gone for yet another year.
This year was harder than last. So many changes in my life this year. So many things to tell my dad. No dad to tell.
And so, I did the thing I have been dreading for almost two years now......I went to the grave. And it was painful.
I feel guilty somewhere inside, that we left him there, that we abandoned him. My head knows the truth, but my heart still feels the guilt.
I couldnt stand there and talk to a rock....the rock is not my dad, and my dad is not there, so doing that 'tv' thing that people do, talking to a grave stone, it didnt consol me. I just felt alone.
I brought him his favorite, red roses and black licorice......and I let Ruby see where Papa was...her namesake.
Then I went to church with my dog and cried throughout the entire morning.
The grief seems so fresh yet once again....so strong. I just want to crawl into bed and wait for the pain to be gone.
And yet life continues.
Now I just have to get through the 24th.