Monday, April 10, 2006

The Double Dip

I got rebaptized yesterday.
Mostly I have avoided talking about it....because I didnt really understand why I was doing it as much, as I understood that God was calling me to do it.
And so I did.
And I was scared....scared that I would sob like a baby. But, I didnt......not then.
I shared my story, told of how God had changed me, my life....and then bravely entered the tank, with a guy with a bad arm...bless his heart.
Every one kept asking me if I felt different after, I just felt relieved. I made it through.
After, I had a small party for lunch. I expected jubliation, excitement, a good time.
I struggled not to cry through the party. I would hide in the office, let a few tears go, and then return to serve another round of something.
People just thought I was tired or sad, or upset......or let down......
It wasn't until later that I realized, I felt kinda empty.
.....and then I remembered a time several years ago. I was singing for a living, smack dab in the middle of God's plan for me at that time. I remember feeling empty.
I called my brother....man of wisdom....we talked and it dawned on me. Often I know when I am out side of God's will for me, because I don't have peace....very uncomfortable. But what does it feel like to have peace? Maybe nothing....maybe you don't feel anything.....because it's peace. So I realized last night, as I lay in bed, that I was where God wanted me.....because I didn't feel anything.
It gives some comfort.....just knowing.

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