Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Hhhhmmmmmm

Been thinking a lot lately about something. It bothered me.
Recently in a conversation with a few friends, one of the guys in the group (lets call him Walter), who is my age; in a conversation about marriage and sex, told us that he had never kissed a girl.
We were all a bit surprised. Walter is a great guy. Lots of little girls have crushes on him. Crazy.
It didn't bother me that he hadn't kissed a girl. It bothered me, that in my life, I have never known a man like that. Someone who would wait, and not push the limits. Someone who's integrity was more important than his hormones. Someone who put God desires, before his own.
And.....I felt a bit cheated. Cheated that I have never dated someone like that. Cheated, because often, the guys that I have dated, have tried to give me the godly answers I want to hear, just to try and push the limits with me.
I have been struggling with myself lately. It seems like I am some kind of weird anomaly in the Church. I do not fit into the mold of a nice meek Christian girl.....and so, Christian boys don't notice me......they flee from me.
I have committed myself to putting God first in my life, and so am not willing to trade my faith for a partner who doesnt share it, and in that, find myself alone. Funny how not willing to compromise equals being by yourself. And I am okay by myself, most of the time.......I sometimes just wonder, why doesn't anyone choose me.

The names in this blog have been changed to protect the parties involved, however I don't think he reads my blog anyway, so it doesnt matter.

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