Monday, January 23, 2006

SCREAM

Somedays I want to stand and scream at the top of my lungs. I don't know what I would scream. I know life is not fair. I know life does not always turn out the way we expect. I know that I try, and fail, at pretending I have it all together.
I don't speak of it often here, because well I am afraid of the readers.I'm afraid that my dad is a reader. My dad is sick. He is not getting better. He is getting worse. And we get to watch.And we don't really talk about it. And some days I feel like it is killing me.
And I don't blame God. And I am thankful for the time I have had. But I am only 34. And.....he is my dad.
And I want him to walk me down the isle. And I want him to see my babies. And I want him to know all the things I will do with my life. And I can't see these things happening. ...any of them.
And I am not angry about that. I understand. This is life on earth. Not forever. Not eternal. Not here, anyway.
But, he's my dad.

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