Monday, October 24, 2005

I'm tired of Crying

I've been on something of a spiritual journey this week. Discerning, trying to figure out the commands of God. Trying to fit in. Its not working. It has just left me tired, emtional and raw.
I cry at the drop of the hat. People talk to me, and I wonder how, with this lump in my throat, I will answer them. ...and so I mumble some kind of joke or word, and go on my way.
It's not an easy place to be, when you are in disagreement with other children of God. We are a family right? We all know what happens in families....I have scars to prove it. And yet, even though we beat each other up, and yell and scream, we are still family.
What I have learned this week? I want to be real. I want to be real, more than I want to fit in. And although, not fitting in hurts, I want to hold to my convictions. I want to be real.

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