Thursday, March 17, 2005

So long Jetsgo.

My cousin sent this to me, and I feel it needs to be shared. If your Mennonite, you can relate, if your thankful.

With apologies to Mennonites everywhere...


If you are traveling soon, consider Menno Air, da no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Menno Air, vhere flying is an uplifting experience. Der is no First Class on any Menno Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls, 7-15 bring a salad, 16-21 a main dish, and 22-30 a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freevill offering and da plane vill not land until da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acqvuaint you vith da safety system aboard dis Menno Air 599.

Okay den, listen up: I'm only gonna say dis yust once. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Wiebe and Co-captain Penner because ve fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure vould probably indicate da Second Coming or something of dat nature, and I vouldn't bother with dose little masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Yust stuff dose back up in der little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest vith ya, ve're going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet...sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a vhile ya get used to it.

In da event of a vater landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and yust hope ya get to da part about forgive us our sins as ve forgive dose who sin against us, vhich some people say "trespass against us," vhich isn't right, but vat can ya do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because dey may interfere vith the plane's navigational system, vhich is seat of da pants all da vay... no, it's because cell phones are a pain in the vazoo and if God meant ya to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on da side of your head.

Ve're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style vith the coffee pot up front. Den ve have da hymn sing... hymnals in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours vith you vhen ya go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I'll say Grace..."Come Lord Jesus be our guest and let dese gifts to us be blest. Father, Son and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Vancouver or pretty close. Amen".

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