Sunday, December 12, 2004

Why

Why, in this world that we live, is there sooo much to learn. I am tired of learning and growing and changing. I feel like I am standing on a balance beam, and the wind is blowing all around me, and I have to stay standing. I am tired of standing here, and frankly, would just enjoy laying around a while, but I am afraid that I will become lethargic in my growing. That my inner most being will lose sight of the big picture...that I will just become an old lady with a mustache,that lives with too many cats. I am tired of being out of my comfort zone, but the comfort zone scares me too much.
I believe that God knew me before I was born, and there is comfort in that. I believe that He sees my future, and there is frustration in that. Sometimes I just want answers, I am tired of waiting til the end of the book to get resolution.
I've heard it said, that "faith is like strapping on a seatbelt in the wild ride of life," and I have faith, I just wanna know where I am going.
I have faith in what God's gonna do, I just need to know what He's planning.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I am losing my loved ones, and I can do nothing to stop it. I need God to put someone tangible in my life, who will help me stand when this continues to happen....and yet, that scares me too. Not sure I want to choose to love anyone anymore. I am tired of the consequences.
....now I'm just rambling....

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