Sunday, August 29, 2004

Waiting


I've wanted to past for a few days, but am having trouble finding the words. The one word that keeps coming to mind? Wait. Wait.
This morning in the service, the pastor spoke, and what he said caught my attention. He said, "Waiting it hard to do when something good is coming, and it's even harder when something bad is coming."
These past months have been about waiting, for me. As I sat there in the service, I felt myself comparing the emotions of waiting for good and waiting for bad. The ending was different, but at first I decided the waiting was the same; then it hit me. Waiting for good is waiting with hope, and waiting for bad is waiting for relief, that the wait is over.
I was taken back to events of this year. As I sat beside my grandfathers bed, the night he died, I waited. I looked, listened and waited. I waited for the breathing to stop. I waited for the end.......and as I waited, my heart broke, sorrow overwhelmed me, and I waited for relief.
This past month, I have been waiting to get a certain job. I waited for over a month for the final answer. I waited with hope however, I waited with the knowledge that God had my best interest at heart. I waited with the little tidbits of hope that God would place in my heart, to increase my faith. ...verses, answered prayers, and confirmation from others.
As the end of the waiting neared, I was getting tired in my spirit, knowing God was in control, and yet, I was just tired. My prayers would often be, "Just help me Jesus, just help me." I didn't know what else to pray. There were no longer eloquent words to use, as I approached the throne every day, asking for direction, begging for intervention on His part. There were no words, and so I just asked for help.
And as I lay, in the silence of the day, in the wavering of my faith, in my innermost being...the words come.....and He said, "Wait, my beloved. Wait."
And these aren't the first time He has said these words to me. He seems to say them often. Sometimes loud, sometimes quiet....
Wait.
And He did answer my prayers. And I did get the job. And I do have hope. And I do have relief.
"Wait," He said, "Just wait."

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