Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Sleep Over

I have started writing this blog a few times and keep erasing what I have written. Don't know where to begin, but I need to talk. No one is up yet, in these parts, and normally I would call Gwen (2 hour time difference) but she is in town. ...I wonder if Anthony is up yet. ..But then I would wake Lyn, so best not to call. I think it must be almost 6am by now, I wish I could sleep, but sleep is not my friend these days.
Sleepover. I got a call last night around quarter to ten, asking if I would be willing to sleepover at Grama and Grampas. It seems that Grampa was having a lot of trouble, and Grama was having chest pains. Her heart trouble. Of course I would be willing to come.
I remember when I was little, going to sleep over. I remember having chocolate milk and ice cream for night lunch. I remember playing boobie trap or lego. This whole week has been a boobie trap.
So I came, made myself a little bed on a mat that was no wider than my pillow, it wasn't very high, so at least I didn't have far to fall. There was no chocolate milk or ice cream tonite....just old sick people.
Everything seemed to be alright, everyone was in bed, until I saw the light on and grama came and got me around 4am. There was trouble.
Grampa was having trouble, and needed help getting up. I also think he was not lucid. He had such a fever. I can still feel the burning heat against my hands as I was trying to hold him up. Bless his heart. He just wanted to go to the bathroom.
After an hour of hit and misses, I called for help. The ambulance came and took him away. I felt so useless. They kept asking me questions that I didn't know the answers to. They kept looking to me, and I didn't know. How stupid I must have looked, how ignorant.
They took him to the hospital, and I comforted the best I could, a woman who is afraid of losing her husband, put her back to bed, and now sitting here....Not sleeping.
The profound part of the night? Grampa being willing to ask for help, saying it was okay that I called the ambulance. Also, after when they were getting ready to leave, my gramparents still had to kiss each other good bye.
I wish I could walk off this day.

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