Monday, December 29, 2003

Auntie

I am an auntie. I have candy and gum in my purse. I take you cool bra shopping. I let you stay up late. I ask you what you want to eat, BEFORE I make dinner.
I have always imagined myself with children some day. I like kids, for the most part. I thought by now, I would have a couple. I, do not. I thought I would be married. I, am not.
It came to me yesterday. I was at a family gathering, and I was the first one to fall all over the one baby in our midst. I held her, and cuddled her and wished that God would grace me with one of these miracles. And that's when it hit me. I may only ever be the auntie. My friends are having children. My cousins are reproducing, and my mother is starting to give up hope. I may never have kids.
Its a hard thing to realize. To try to be content in your life, but not fall into a bitter rut.
I stood there within this realization, brushed my lips over the soft wispy hair of the little angel I was holding, and turned to my cousin. "I may only ever be the auntie," I said. "That's all I may ever be." He smiled, looked at me and said " Do you have candy in your purse?" I nodded. " Then you'll be okay. You'll be a good auntie, just keep the candy in the purse."
I decided then and there, if this was my lot in life, then I would be a good aunt. I will try my best to help you be all you can be. I will let you go through my closet, and buy you cool clothes, and keep the gum and candy stocked.....after all, I am the auntie.

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